it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
