her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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