That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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