I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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