The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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