Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
