Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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