We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
