her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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