respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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