dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
