I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
