Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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