Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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