i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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