I wanna bring you to show and tell
You just made me feel so damn special
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize