Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
