i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
