The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
