Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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