i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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