dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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