Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
