i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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