You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
