She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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