I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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