my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
