His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i need some magic done to my vagina
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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