I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
