come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
