I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
