After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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