So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
