i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.