saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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