Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.