I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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