Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
