I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
