dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
