i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
