I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
