why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
