I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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