help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
