final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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