I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
