I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
