like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
