i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
