I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
