there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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