is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
