so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
