She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
