I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
