he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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