not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
