If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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