Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
