Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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