But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
