I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize