I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
